The Ultimate Wish – Golf Poetry

THE ULTIMATE WISH 
GOLFER lost one thousand bucks, 
Through sly, strategic guile, 
But sweetly and submissively 
He lost it with a smile.
A fire razed his home and goods, 
And left him poor as sin, 
But though he lost his habitat. 
He didn't lose his grin. 
A deft, determined auto thief 
Meandered with his car; 
The golfer merely laughed "Tee I heel" 
And also chortled "Ha !" 
His wife decamped one autumn eve 
And took the kids along. 
But though he lost his family. 
He didn't lose his song. 
In short, no ugly stroke of fate 
Could confiscate his nan — 
Could cop his happy Capricorn — 
This philosophic man.
And imperturbable he lived, 
A cool and placid bloke. 
Until upon one fatal day 
He found he'd lost his stroke. 
Then blooie went philosophy 
And cool, platonic words ; 
He shouted hot, sulphuric things. 
That shocked the little birds ; 
And curses scoriac suffused 
The desiccated scene; 
In other words, the poor gazook 
Grew balmy in the bean. 
Moral : 
A golfing guy may lose his roll, 
And still be gay and joke,
But Lord have mercy on his soul 
If he should lose his stroke. 
J. P. McEvoy
published in Lyrics of the Links, 1921

J.P. (Joseph Patrick) McEvoy was a popular American writer of the 1920s and 1930s. His stories were published in magazines such as The Saturday Evening Post and Cosmopolitan. Many of his stories were adapted into movies. Later, he became the writer for a popular newspaper comic strip called Dixie Duggan.